Saturday, July 31, 2010
They have been called, only one was chosen. Although those colors don't compliment the projected aura that loosely floats about.
She wasn't there, neither was he. I could see the sadness in her soul, a sight only visible to me, I'm sure. Knowing that she wouldn't weep until she was alone, I take a moment to cry for her in silence.
Her words roll off her tongue like erratic melody of the most beautiful song. So made mention in the silence that cotton tails come from their holes and squirrels from their trees to listen, hoping for a nut to fall...there were many (haha). But I gathered them up to make a necklace for her.
Someday I'll give it to her, but not today, definitely not tomorrow. Haven't found a suitable pendant yet. And she Loves pendants. I know this well.
Leaving the room. Been so good to not be noticed so far, knowing I just shouldn't be there. Amygdula so shot it's spinning sparks everywhere across the floor of my sub-conscious mind. Like a tree trunk pushing it's way into the center of my chest. But I tuned it out, to this. Her theme music today:
" Yellow streetlight, you illuminate the road so often traveled. In a dream life, I would silently observe your path to nowhere. And you're gonna light me up, in a way I could never explain.
Always letting go to leave you closer leaving. Doesn't mean that this is over. Don't forget about the things that make you feeeeeeel FREEEEE!
I would Love you Monday, thru to Sunday. If you're a non believer. Take me for an open-minded soldier, if you're a non believer.
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! RIGHT HERE SOME, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!
Right here some...." (all so she doesn't get confused ;) ya know)
And on with that. Never ceasing, 'til my throat begins to bleed. Range is so a matter of perspective. To an exponent of some sort. And my perspective is getting high on my minds constant and ever flowing supply of serum that makes everything here taste good. And I can't find the petcock. Took it out when she left the first time and put it somewhere I knew I'd never find it.
You have fun, my Love. You know I'd be the only other one not drunk, cleaning 1/2 the mess at least. Sharing always. Care about you that much...always!
Til our next meeting. Arms open, facing the sound of that band of horses.
Friday, July 30, 2010
" I am here. I'm all around you. You feel this at your darkest times. The times when you feel alone, which is almost always. And my heart breaks for you."
Temped guest walks in a half circle towards you from the far corner of the room, he is a familiar presence.
" I am here. And in the mind of your mind I fight behind your eyes the terror that haunts your dreams. Staying purposefully out of sight, so the magic stays where it should. An essence of presence."
Dark visage guest steps closer as you stay still, in your full flowing, night lit'ness.
" I am here. Listen to me, Love. The shadows that I cast while passing from sun to sun, from moon to moon. See they fall at you. As if I was stuck in an ancient time piece, pointing its way at you for eternity. Like you were always my "home"."
Stepping closer, only this time, your breath slows, feeling a familiar longing. A good presence that's been missed.
This time a whisper, " I am here. You don't have to be afraid of me. I am not here to...save to hold you. As this Love and yours has looked over the suffering, and held tightly still. Nothing is too deep for us to plunge. Nor too long to swim.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Moon broke out for several hours. And I ventured out for every one of them. He stared me in the eyes and with squinted gaze he dared me to fly and capture some of his dust, seein if I could catch him. I looked away for seconds. Climbed to the top of the tallest point I could find around me and looked up, this time much closer to his face. Then I dared him to come down a little closer so I could kiss his chin. He told me no. Said, " My place is the sky, my home is the oblivion and I carry no such attachments to earth's creatures."
I responded, " Is that why you are so sad?"
He said, " The creatures therein of this planet I roam are not the attachment I seek. It is the earth that I Love, and nothing more could lay a planet waining so weak."
I asked, " Why? Could I learn a lesson of this Love that you speak? For I Love the earth as well, as if some spell has bound me to the ground."
" My dearest son...I have watched you. In my nights light you move. But I've also seen your dreams and tears, as well as the way you groove. I have watched since birth to see this man arise from a pile of mesh. And cavities and nightmarish realities you have entered in yours and others mess. My son, it's not really the earth you Love. But the creatures within for their life force depends on such. This isn't a virtue or physical essence that can be explained between logic and dust. But a reality, not a feeling, a destiny, a timed plan. Since the time a hand reached from heaven to link the heart of God to man."
" Is the entity you speak of something all can see and know?"
He said, " No son, look at the tree as it begins to grow. It doesn't move. Doesn't ask or demand. Even when it has great lack. Doesn't flinch when your creatures come at her with an axe. But it's the roots I speak of that do the deeper work. See the branches and the trees get to see the light above. And celebrate the life and doves that make their homes in their healthy arms. But where they gather life force you see is from the earth. And their roots MUST plunge down into something aged and of worth. And this is the truth of it, my son. When life gets old and all gets undone. Where would the sun be without the earth? And where would the earth be without the moon? We travel in orbit. Whom is travelling with you?"
" My son, take this, and hold it, because your connection is with earth. But in a different sense of what is temporary, the lifeline of man. Imagine MY heart, I spoke of waining before...carrying such emotion through the years. Not coming out when there were those who begged me to, but they had you. Or some form of you."
"So take this, my son. I am in Love with the earth. You are in Love, and that's all that needs worth. But make sure to base it on deep roots, and your heart exactly knows whom it is who is with you to share your ebbs and flows."
" And, my son, I leave you with this thought: It's hard to Love inanimate objects, that have not the ability to Love. As the earth is with me, don't let it be with you. For so many there know how to and choose not to. And their time is of your essence. Hold onto that Love, it will more than prove the test and time. Watch me, son, and you'll see. For I have watched every last part of Love on earth...and have yet to speak to one of these. But to you I give my secret, and please don't put away..."
" Oh, I wont, sir! I swear I wont!"
" My son, just wait. And you'll see a light that blinds you and all others that surround. That brings such Love and unity from the deepest earth's core found. And life will simply emanate to all those that surround your heart and Love's heart connected, could bring ALL EARTH'S WALLS DOWN!! Commit to be the crutch and soon enough...you'll wear Love's crown."
" I Love you, son."
And he leaned back, into the sky above. I reached for my heart and knelt to the ground. Clutching heart in hand and hand over and over as the tears...fell...down. In the reflection, I saw you, YOU...and all confoundment did abound. From a back so sore of carrying all these others weights around.
I need you and want you and will not move away. And I say what you cannot right now. WE ARE CONNECTED, and to that truth, I humbly bow...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
I...am...in Love...with you.
No hidden phrases. No mentioning of a joke way back when.
When kids tied hands behind their backs to make obscene noises on your thighs.
And not a question of higher learning tryin to define the answer to why.
Because why is the way we live! Don't you understand! Don't you get this simplicity and yet...
We continue to walk, over these bridges, over these brooks.
Thinking of new things to say, like we're reading a book.
And that book sometimes ain't enough, you know this is SO true. And if I'm right about your color then I'd say it's all blue.
But why? Can't even that fly, sitting on that window perceive;
That new life beckons and calls us out, you and me.
To be trusted with things not yet unveiled to man. And to test whether said Love can weather such demands.
Without choice! Without hate! Without wild debate. Over demons and Angels and Love songs we bait.
With our hooks and our kettles that Angels swing by to nibble and kiss and sing lullaby's.
But only to our children, and only those we love. (You know that caps word I only use to describe what it feels like to be your only glove).
So do we bolt? Do we linger? Do we stay in this "place"?
What on earth would that do, except maybe save face.
Face is so not even what I'd like to save but a heart in his heart I would gladly put away.
Want my heart in his body? If you would just ask, I'd not fucking wait by to relieve such a task.
Sincerely, your happiness is all there is, Love. It's all there will be, most Love'd. It's all there was meant to be.
And I will continue my rant on more blessed ears. You know this, her neighbors think we're fucking because I'm constantly knockin on her door late at night. They would call her a whore but I always come alone, and not too many visit her and know her like I do. Proud to know she knows me as well. Her name is Patience, my Love. And she is your ally and closest link to what calls all things heavenly inside of storm shadows wink. And under sun setting sky in the afternoons I cry to see it glisten and sparkle off the stardust that made its way back across the wall to jewel your precious face.
As I said. I don't ask for anything not in your power to give. Quite in fact I ask nothing of you but to live.
Please just live to see your days brighter, if you think you can change taste because really, that's what's required in this maddening Love race.
But you know how I am.
You know what I am.
You know WHOM, I am.
And this promise do NOT disavow. The promise of bliss and happiness unequally shared, sounds like unequal pair. But I AM your equal. And I'll prove it with this. If said time comes around and neither one of us are dead, you will prove your Love, with your "head" outside of dread...with a kiss.
For I will NOT advance until your foot steps into that boundary of "what if" that blinds the shit out of us.
And here I will wait, wanting you to be free. Not a free that's with me but a choosing of your own reckoning.
I do not ask for your hand as if it's freely given. Or pretend there's no amends or life oaths to be taken.
But nonetheless I'm serious. Serious like poison in the hands of a 3 year old. But grown enough to handle whatever unfolds.
I'm not leaving, not taking off, not even sayin goodbye. Not ever...not ever, my Love.
And there are no other words right now.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Pine-scented moon covers up the horror of the scent of night spent "alone", 342 so far.
Finds me listing. Like a large boat with not enough sails to capture the wind propelling it.
YOU propel me, with candles light.
Sends me whining into bright lights and familiar sights and starlight.
And a memory, in infantile manner that presents itself, "I was here once, Lover...and I NEVER left you."
See the proof?
Listening over and over to her Love spoken over invisible wire connection.
There is NO antenna that can give this reception.
There is no hard wire that can carry information to define.
That language passed away with the death of the 1st man to create lyric.
Reverberating and bouncing. Running through time to accent the background of our 2nd, first kiss.
The other night I drove miles and miles 'til I found a lonely patch of sky, not connecting with earth at her'eyes'on.
Beckoning the aching heart to sit and chat.
We sat and named each other for hours. I named them all after you so I could look up and see you no matter where I am.
They sent me their hugs and kissance but the distance seems so far and light only travels so fast so I sent them a letter.
The letter that proceeds God's breath as He breathed on an ocean of black.
The letter that causes a reaction, no matter where It's been cast.
The letter that causes human to human care, formless and attached.
The letter that brings the poison inside logical insight to act.
The letter you and I utter and stutter, directly.
A shoulder? Sure...
A backboard? Ok...
A diving board? Hmm, maybe...
A confidant? Have to check the roster...
Just to be "here"..."now"? The least of what I have to give, but you know this...
And here I am. Patience, the only light under night sky. It's ok because she knows me.
"...hey Patty, long time, much seen. Give me a damn cigarette, will ya?? SHIT..."
Saturday, July 24, 2010
She is the stain my white shirts in the same damn place, every time, above my heart.
She is the center of the swirl when I stir my tea.
She is the Love rock that breaks windows that I throw in agony.
She is the calming newborn cry that awakens me to pure life...
She is that one star between the mist clearing when I have no idea where I am.
She is the wind before the rain telling me to go outside and wait.
She is the thunder after the lightening, echoing it's great plight and crash to earth.
She is the light left over in innocent hands awakened by nightmares birth.
She is the smooth stone I course my hands over and over, because I love the way it feels...
She is the last goodbye to years of stained hands and hard labor.
She is the heat behind the candle, that beckons my fingers to pass through.
She is the channel beneath an ancient bridge that has watched life come to earth.
She is the sound of distant waves, crashing against distant cliffs.
She is the last thought of any man, saying to himself " What if?"
She is the warm and fettered blanket with many stories to tell.
She is the one well-spoken secret, now I love to shout and yell.
She is the reason for all things benign to rise and be counted.
She is the season for all things to rhyme and leave colleagues astounded.
She is the life and Love's cry...
She is the cause behind each Lover's tale and endless ageless delight.
She is the course that hikers know as the steepest challenge and greatest plight.
She is the knowing of a mothers heart when daughter brings to light,
these well-grown flowers near blossom; when bees are tempted to take a bite.
She is the wall shattering embrace between blamed father and estranged son.
She is the knowing of a passing of each and every creation.
She makes hate cry with her stare and start its pre-posthumous journey
To seek out those it has destroyed and left baron from the beginning.
When man saw Love in the form of another human being.
She is the water, moving its way across the filth, making me look new.
She is the string around my finger, reminding me to Love.
(TBC, my honey girl. My sweet, sweet precious, little Love, for I will certainly NEVER stop adding to this song)
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Not an oracle, not a sign but definitely orchestrated by higher'ness.
A groan over a year's separation. Pain that epidurals cannot block.
Only the rebirth of something...true.
True as in the promise of another sunrise. Or a Loving mothers milk to an infant in need.
Whether hers or not, the need will be met.
And I float somewhere between heaven and the hell of earth, no longer wondering if she's real.
She knocked at my door, " Babe, it's time to go!"
I gather my pretty socks and hi-top converse, transverse the cold cement of hater's outer exterior. Let them be I say, and I will Love anyways.
We drive. Faster than the light forcing it's way out of the heart now rebuilt and attached.
With glances at the past but no remorse lingers over the forgiveness. A price to be paid for an undertaking's unrelenting passion.
Our Love will light this path. Familiar because we've been here before! But it's nearly autumn. After the rain and heat have settled into the monotony of life's passages. Now we can see. And the path springs forth it's life essence from being fallowed. We know this time is coming, but let's not hasten.
Work to be done in the garden. Although beautiful the fall setting sun has made it, still green thumbs plunge into fresh tilled earth...and the scent of it! Fascinating...invigorating!!!
The bitterness of winter gone. Weathered, while wearing some other's skin. Thankful for the protection but no longer needed. For we have reached the definition of health. The understanding of two halves of a whole becoming one.
Letting go of the sinews that brought us away from unity.
She cries out! Screams in pain as I double over in sympathy, feeling the inside of the "O" in Love fall from inside me.
She pushes and I grasp her hand tightly, " I wont let go! ...i, wont, let, gooooo....." and to the whisper.
Wisp of cloud moves in, the pre-ignition of thunderstorms around this universe.
To protect and guard this new life. Arriving at the exact moment the earth begins to die.
We can save it now! We can live here now!
Let the light be our tavern. Let this Love be our home. Sprinkled with exacting precision of attentive heart.
The wailing of a newborns cry...taking this life's first breath...
Show me the door, and I will show you the meaning of why "Z" is not the final letter in our alphabet soup.
Stay here and spell words that only we can define.
But never with words...nevermore with speech. But herein with finger paint on pants Divine. Let's redefine. Show them a world where crust is always cut, and apples always peeled. To find a peace inside each other that everything surrounds and bounds to live, higher and higher.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
I can't even help but stare. Even dared by the prince of light himself to look away from such an Angel, I just couldn't...he has every part of my soul.
A flutter crosses his eyes and I hold my breath. A wisp of grin touches his perfect lips like wind cuts meadow lands...then a sigh.
What crossed his little mind in lucidity I'll never know. But I am content to know it made him smile in subconsciousness.
Every breath I take in as if a tree drowning for air. It's so pure, life.
You have shown me my path little one. You have saved this wretched soul from himself.
One day, I'll tell you the story of me. But right now, my world is paused as you sleep. Waiting to take in the next 1st thing you'll say.
Sweet dreams my sweet sweet boy. Your dadda Loves you. Your dadda's got you-
Monday, July 12, 2010
Pausing only to breathe through the sea of our reciprocal tears flowing down Love that stops life.
And captivates the nature surrounding the innocent garden where life was first born into.
Hands falling into the spaces between physical knowledge.
The pathways carrying our vital substances and energy reach toward and grasp hold of each other, intertwining into a mosaic of deeply seeded essence.
She sniffs, looks aside before engaging into where I end.
Reaches from the vertical entanglement to touch. My skin depresses before she ever gets close. A gentle reverberation emanates from the tips of her fingers like someone forgot to add humanity's de-static cling sheet to our salt-scented laundry pile.
We begin to ebb and flow. Feeling life force pass between us. Waining and exhilarating, eyes on each other for the giving. Never taking what we deserve from each other.
Everything melts around us...
Pushing our way through society's observation with our non-conformity. Still only focused on the thread tying our hands and wit behind our backs. The thread of space between spots in our eyes. A language only understood through hearts interpretation of the way a tongue dances inside our kiss. A secret time only holds but knows nothing of. A riddle outlasting Piper's lyric. Making Love fall in Love...
My drugs keep me constantly on this titillating, wild ride.
Timid and descrete, they move through Wades rights to disinegrate the staff inside my soul.
Passively mocking the mad paintings that line the upside-down spiral staircase leading to my heart.
Illicitly irradicating islands icing illusive idiosyncratic idolatry inside eyes of a spade flipped sideways.
And my mind racks my reality with this statement:
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
In a run to further the commitment between man and bottle, fear and numbness. Lips strain toward another sip, and another, and yet another. Pouring rain, slipping down esophageal passages toward oblivion. Well, not so much, just transformation. Is that what he's after? To become something else? What depth of pain would need be experienced to truly abandon all original thought...action and idiosyncrasy. If she looked long enough. Just stepped outside the normal patience level that brought her into Love, she might see an opulence not fashioned by the hands of man. But by the artists of this existence. And he too, would be satisfied in his embrace...(cont?)