" So," he says, walking firmly on the birm above the breaker wall, " Blondes, brunettes, gingers? What, bro? Is there honestly a preference that a young guy looks for? Really? Like hair color is going to be a pre-requirement?"
" No, bra," honestly shaking my head to the ground, " Besides, we're speaking, ummm, I don't know..metaphorically? Hypothetically? What? And how old is this guy?"
" Twenty-three, bro."
" Hehe, seriously? That guy isn't old enough to even determine he's a mama's boy yet. Does he live at home, still?"
" Yep. And not in a 'had to move back in' sense. He just hasn't left yet."
" Wow, bra- Ok, so we're talking, what? This guy just started dating? Or is he some type of newbie pimp? We took him out ONCE! Ha!"
" Dude, you remember though, when everything was about that, right? Like, girls were just things you put in your pocket for later. The ones you knew you'd lose or the ones that were just too hot..? Shirt pocket, right? Haha!!"
" Haha!! Bradda...you know I missed that phase."
" No. You started early and were done by the time the rest of us came around to seeing girls as 'kissable'."
" Yea, yea...I don't know, bro. So, wait, what's his name again? The kid?"
" It's Alex, he calls himself 'Alpha'..."
"ALpha!! Alpha??? Did he name himself that at the bar the other night?"
" He DID, bro."
" Wow- wow. Ok, so..Alex. And he's asking YOU about what you look for in a girl. Hate to break it, but you've been circling the same 'woman' for how long now? This kid ain't ready to be serious. Dude...YOU are a closet relationship junky, bra."
" Haha! How so? And why do you have to call me out like that? Hehe..I KNOW what I'm doing, ok? Just something in her I can't let go."
" I know this, bro. You don't think I see it? And hey- if it's because of our little 'wingman for a few years' deal, I'm calling a break in treaty. Yes, the chick is crazy. Yes, she's done some weird stuff over the past few months. But the SECOND she told you that if you weren't going to get serious with her, or in your words: ' I don't see this going anywhere', you ass... She says shes lookin' at gettin' serious with this other guy, you're ALL over her again. Am I summing this up correctly?"
" Ugh, dude..its not.."
" F*ck yeah, it IS..like 'that'. Do you remember your thirteen steps, bra? What's the last one?"
Simultaneously, we yell, " DENIAL!!!"
Uproarious laughter, " Dude, you remembered that! Haha!! What was that like, 10 years ago?"
" Yea, back when we were playa's. HAHA! Ah, bro, should we revisit the other twelve?"
" Haha! Yep, ready? Ok, first 5, lie 'til you get in the door. Six through eight, bring the tears."
" Nine through eleven, gentlemen until the end."
" And twelve...ugh...twelve, hahaa..."
" Yea, dude...hehe..twelve was always fun."
" Not always fun..sucked waking up with your tighties stuck to you."
" Ah, SH*T, bra!! You HAD to go there, of course..you're the 'Big DC'."
" You're the 'big PK'."
" 'Mediocre Pk'. So anyways, this guy right? Are you pimp-training or something?" Laughter from Dc, I continue," Is there some school I need to be made aware of where you're teaching this stuff?"
" No, dude, haha! Like I said, he was asking about what I look for in a girl. The question to you was, why you never hit on anyone when we go out?"
" You seriously are the worst communicator I've EVER known, You're worse than the ex, you know that?"
" Dude, just answer the question."
" Aight, aight, ha. Well, its like this. I've always been a one woman man. You would know, seeing as you're the same way. We go out, talk a ton of hype, make nothin' of it, right? So here it is...ok, wait. I have to get this off my chest. Bro? Seriously? If its because of our 'deal' that you're holding this girl off? Then you need to re-evaluate the nature of your RELATIONSHIP. Yes, I said it."
" Pk, you don't even know what.."
" NOPE..no, no, no. We aren't talking about that right now. You're still on step thirteen, remember? We're at that age we gotta start reversing those steps. Teach 'em to 'Alpha', haha! He'll use them well, I'm sure. Goin around callin himself 'Alpha'- What is he like..a buck fifty? Maybe? He's not six foot either, he ain't taller than me."
" Yeah, haha! He's a pippy. Yuppy little guy, kinda cute, don't ya think?"
" Haha, yes, cute, bra. Ok, want me to answer this?"
" YES, bro! Sincerely, all ears..GO."
" So, there's intimacy. You'd know. It's the moments you know you love sharing but hate showing it. Those movies you learn you actually like, so you do away with the stereotype. Sometimes, we get lucky and find one that enjoys the occasional guy flic. They all say they like 'em, but truth be told."
" Yep, yep."
" Oh! Dude, did you try that thing on her I told you? With the peppermint lip balm?"
Coyly, " Hehe..yeah..hehe, I did. Dude...yeah..."
" Ok, just checkin. We're SO gonna chat about it in a minute. Ok. So intimacy. We used to not care whether it was the couch, living room, dining room, bathroom...on the rug in front of the fireplace..passin crevassier, haha, etc, you know.."
" Yea, yea.."
" It was anywhere, all the time, anytime. I'll summarize because we should go soon. It's not that I'm looking for any particular thing. True, there are idiosyncrasies I must get over in myself. Bad memories, things I'm closed off to, all that. Stuff that are 'preferences', yada, yada, yada... What I want? I want to touch her face, whomever she is. I want to taste what her cheeks look like after she takes her face off at night. Run my fingers over her wrinkles and imperfections, tell her 'its ok' and that I'm totally into the way she looks to me. Nibble at her ears, take her earrings off with my tongue and teeth, hehe... Dude, there are SO many perfect looking women out there. Not what I'm after. But if she can hold her own while I feel her out? The scars, the blemishes, the marks she'll no doubt be like ' Eww, don't touch that! I HATE that about my body!' and SWAT my hands away..yeah. The times when we get to be just us, ourselves in a bedroom with the door open. The mornings I get to leave her in bed to go down and cook up some 'gourmet petit dejeuner'. And seconds later, she comes behind me and wraps herself up around my chest, TOTALLY interfering with what I'm trying to do to impress her or...be romantic an sh*t? Yeah, those moments. When I know we can just deal with what comes on our time. That I don't have to pretend 'its all ok' all the time, wear that 'oh, I'm totally ok, all the time' face..stooopid. Start fights with her simply so I can hear strong opinions other than my own. Maybe watch her spin herself down just so at the end I can tell her she's right and I'm wrong. Have a staring contest just to watch the sunset in each others eyes, exchanging 'favors' when one of us loses, hehe. And ya know? I can find that with any girl. It's a question of: Do I want that with just any girl? I don't know, yet. But there's this one.."
" Knew it bra..tell, come on.."
" It's no one I've met, no one you know. I don't have pictures bro..just a thought that races around my mind from day to day. Trips me out..makes me miss her."
" I know, bra..I know what you feel."
" Yeah? That's good, bra, shows we've grown."
" Pk? ...can we like...kiss or something?"
" HAHAHA! Dude, DON'T swear me, bro, you know I'll do it, haha! But hey..not in front of the kids.."
" Yeah, for sure. Hey, seriously though man. Think I should 'see where it goes' with this one? Again?"
" My opinion? Yes. But make sure you're ready, I can tell you, you are, bra."
" Also, Pk?"
" What up, breh?"
" I Love you, bra."
" Love you too, bra..fo eves, right? Heehee! Let's do 'dis."
Walking off the pier, towards the car," We'll address 'Alpha', later."