Letters From a Friend

So I was having a bad day a few days ago, I had to take some time to sit down and just think. Finding I had nothing to think about that was anything of value I went through my old notebook and a ton of letters fell out, some I never gave you. Here's a few and the thoughts that followed (spelling/grammar corrected):

4/20/83
" Dear Rayray, my brother wrote this for me. I'm sorry that I stole the last Lick-a-Stick from under your mattress then lied about where I got it when I got caught with it at my house. I DID NOT tell my mom that you told Brandon to make me clean your toilet with pee in it if I didn't eat it (I know that's what your sister told you). I told her that you'd never kiss me like grown-ups again and I got in SO much trouble. I know they called your house and talked to your mom, I'm sorry. It's my fault you're grounded and that you're mad at me. But I didn't say anything about stealing that pack of Mambas from Kmart. Don't stay mad at me forever, I miss my Rayray :(."

-Hehe, forgot about this one, you didn't say anything to me for like...2 weeks!! And OMG there was capital punishment for having candy that wasn't given to you, right?? To this day, I am firm on NEVER doin that to my guys...bet you're the same with yours.

7/14/88

" Hi, buddy girl! This is a thank you/I love you letter. I am like...SO happy that you didn't bail me when you kept getting prettier and more popular and I just got uglier and more strange in middle school this year. All our friends don't even talk to me anymore. I know its because I started getting zits and my parents can't buy clothes from any expensive stores. But you kept talking to me, even when that time Lisa and Candace were making fun of me and you came up and hugged me? That made me feel SO GOOD, you're a real friend Rayray!!
We'll its summer now! Yay!! Beach and stuff!! Going to be SO fun. And its ok if you don't invite me to stuff. I'll always see you around the block and I know we'll still hang out and do stuff like the movies, Tar hands and Tar Pits, remember that?? Haha! Our parents used to get SO MAD!! I think the Indian clay creek is still full of clay, we could make pots and stuff again! My Voltron robot is still stuck in there somewhere. Whenever though :). OH!!! And remember the crawdads?? Like that time we caught a million of them and put them in my moms tamale pot and she made me work in the weird Chinese ladys yard until I could buy her a new one? Haha!! Anyways, we were weird kids, I know you're still like that. Good thing some people never change, Ray :) Anyways, this is getting long and I'm getting like..Popeye arms writing this, but its for YOU so I don't care! :) Ha!
I never talked to you about Duncan..really? Duncan? He's nice and stuff but...ah, nevermind. I'll tell you later. But I DID see you guys kissing in the field behind the baseball field and he was grabbing your butt! (Not telling your mom, but ew). Maybe at Sega night. OH! Danny got a Genesis for his birthday!! Maybe we should go there? You can tell me later, I'll bring the Crunch Tators, BBQ flavor like you like. AND friends beer.
So I gotta get my homework done so, see ya!!"

-Haha! IBC Root Beer, I wonder if that's still around? And, um..I was JEALOUS of Duncan..you never knew, I never told you ;). Remember we totally were going to cook those crayfish but left them beside my house? Only reason my mom found out was because the livingroom smelled like deadsies for a week..

6/12/92

" Rayray. So I'm half way done with high school. I can't BELIEVE its come this fast!! Wow, its like yesterday we were painting make up on my GI Joe figurines..CRAZY, right? Well, this letter has a purpose and I'm so shy but I need your help with something...and you're SO NOT ALLOWED TO LAUGH! K??? Ugh..I know you're going to and I won't make you promise, so here goes. Your sister? She's um..SUPER cute! And I know she's been hanging around what's his name for a week now but are they going together? I kind of have a crush on her. Ugh, I know you're laughing at me, but for REALZ!!! I want to ask her to go with me but I'm so shy. Will you ask her? You can tell me this weekend when we go see Batman Returns, yay!!! Been waiting SO long for that movie. Have I ever told you how cool you are? I know I dont say it enough, sowy...
And Matthew? AKA: Mr. Mehrtens. You should TOTALLY take creative writing next year, its the coolest class. We get to call him by his first name, I'm sure you've heard. And guess what? That poem I wrote called Fagots? He..LOVED it. He had me read it in front of the class!!! Your favorite part:
" Come on baby, light me up.
Take me in. Taste me.
Suck my shaft down hard and watch my tip light up red. Ahhh, feels so good. A chemical dose of legal high I'll bring you.
Wrap your lips around the tip and pull. You know you like it.
Fondle me with your fingers until my long white shaft is spent and my essence is inside you.
Feel me, baby.
Finish me off.
Pull me out of your sultry wet mouth.
Drop me and step on me.
And we start again, My twin's your addiction."
No one knew it was about smoking..dumbasses, ha!!
Anyways, babe, I love you and can't wait for our buddies date!! And did you hear Steve wants to throw me a birthday party this year? Oh God Im scared. Remember what he did to my house last time? I was grounded for a year. Too..much..vodka...
Ok, going now. Remember about your sister!! (Please?) Maybe you can invite her this weekend? I've totally been the third wheel for you so YOU OWE ME!! Haha! Muah! You're special to me Rayray!! Talk soon! Stussy!!"

-Wow, this was so random. That's really all I have to say about that, haha!! Well, maybe not. But I must say, you've definitely grown on me. There's SO many more! But I'll stop and share them later :). This was fun..really fun..I feel SO much better!

-PK-

Mr. Perfect...where are you hiding?

I'm in a trance, weeping, gently. Let me explain:

This path is so painted with the colors not even represented in any color wheel made by man or angel. Not even could they be mixed into our reality by them. We pass them everyday, often looking into them for ourselves. Or maybe what we can take to fill the empty corners in our blessed lives. Make no mistake, we are ALL- blessed. And they are all so beautiful. At times just like these, they pass through my mind, each getting noticed in detail. The tears fall because of a disbelief that they have crossed such a path as mine, and they bless me.

But also, because I have no words to describe the color..and it floors me and emotion takes over. I haven't even the ability to explain what I see, nor anything to liken it to so I can share the experience with you (reading). It's something you must discover yourself.

Brandon says, " It's time..." Is it? We all have pain, shared and not shared. And the cries from within form themselves into one long and unaffected 'hallelujah'. That echoes out onto the plain fields of day to day life. We all wait for the echo to come back to us. Making investments in things that in the back of our minds have no return value. Nothing equals 'black' in the rule of 72 with them. And this for a reason, so the strength we pull from not being heard gets us through the next cry alone.

It's a human thing...

But, what are we honestly waiting for? If we can't see the beauty in ourselves and our painful experiences, is that not being just as ignorant as those that look into us to complete themselves? I could be wrong, but maybe, just maybe, we change the view and see that another's secure retirement lies in us. Maybe we are the answer to that question. And in reality, it's not what we do that can be enough for someone else, but what we are...those colors that cannot be described in any tongue. And from one to one, ALL of them are different. So do not believe for a second that yours 'doesn't matter'.

Somewhere in the world, there are clouds dissipating. The sun is shining through on a broken heart. And what was planted in that heart is beginning to grow. And the fruit from that tree is a nurturing and healing thing. A life that was lost is taking hold of what brought it's death, and conquering it.

I've only seen her on a page. Pleasant photos revealing the good times. And what I feel is what is never represented in any photo. The true beauty that just brings a lasting peace. Your life is worth more than you know. And we all meet for reasons, not much happens on accident in this life to one that has their eyes open. Maybe in this instance, it was to bring a powerfully simple reminder of that truth. I see it, do you?

To us all, and to her, its not a Lover that needs be searched for. :) But Love itself. To each, may it mean what it needs to. You ARE deeply Loved. May every aspect of your colors, shine on- :)

The Kevin Landry

There are things, signs, movements in the water. Most are so very unnoticable to the untrained eye (do you see?).  And it begs us to pay attention to destiny. Yes, we have every right to go on living our lives blind to them.

There are a few men and women in history that have affected destiny, their's being a destiny to affect it. And the only reason I can see that its necessary...NECESSARY, is for the good of someone else. Whether singularly or corporately.

A man risks a line at a bar to a wall flower, not even pretty to herself. She comes with smiles and pretty petals that smell nice, waiting to be noticed by someone, especially herself. And maybe, just maybe, she left her apartment that night just to give it one more shot. And this brave soul, risking what he can, sits beside her and simply says 'hi'...and they might Love happily ever after.

And a woman, seeking the ease of her own soul reaches out to an office friend, A female. Who in her own life is at the age where husbands die and wives are thrown back into being single. She has grown children whom don't live at home anymore. They have lives of their own. She is young enough to date and maybe find another...but why? Her life (the office mate) is spent going to work from home, errands and keeping up with a life that she never asked for but was dealt. She wonders where her years went and how many she has left. In the back of her mind she believes its over, but- In the middle of a work day, a fire alarm is pulled. The sprinkler system is activated. All others rush away from the wet, but she stays. Points her face to the ceiling and let's the 'rain' wash her office face away, revealing her true self. The woman comes to her, and 'friendily' kisses her on the lips in non-lesbian fashion. Just wanting to connect with that feeling that exists where life was not about having a man in her life, but simply living. And the two souls searching, awaken again. Experiencing Love again, in a completely different connection.

And a man who has followed signs all his life. Unrespected and misunderstood by his family and close friends runs from a cab down a freeway. He doesn't know why he is running, but for his life, he runs. He happens upon a fresh accident, a car in the water. Without a thought, without a micro-second of hesitant behavior, completely bereft of fear- he dives in. After seconds he emerges with two young girls. They scream that their father is still in the car, now all the way under water. He takes his final breath and goes under. Their father comes to the surface..but he doesn't.
A disapproving brother whom has freshly been awakened by the weirdness he sees in this man dives in, looking for his brother desperately. A minute passes as he breaks out of the water, screaming for help, his brother is unresponsive. Medics arrive on the scene and begin to attempt to save the sign-follower's life. An age passes- His brother crying, thinking he has lost something he just minutes ago discovered was most precious to him. Suddenly a cough, a gag, and life returns to the running man.


What does it take to be fearless? Answer these. What does it take to see what destiny is ours that can and will affect someone else. And when the time comes for action, in an instant, will- we- be- ready? Or will we grab our cell phone and call for help? The practice is the perfection. The risk is what we ignore but see everyday when we go to work, to the store, to church. It's the meaning behind everything we walk away from saying, " I should've done this..I should've said that."

And the only difference between 'yours' and 'ours' is a 'why'.

It's not about what can we do. It's about what will we do. To fail is to be practicing. And like Fabian, Doveau, Kent, Michelangelo, etc- practice makes perfect.

So illustrate your life. Make your masterpiece.

Thank you Kevin Landry.