Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Unborne Pearls

I met a girl, she was a non-sensical sort of quirky. Not my 'type' but nonetheless, greatly valuable, as we all are, Lovely souls. She showed me a piece of her jewelry, a necklace with a trite pendant. It struck my heart like a mad cupid with nemesis intent.

Upon seeing the piece, I was taken, captivated by an emotion so familiar to me as I choose to see it day by day. Something I live with like an appendage I can never lose or get rid of. Like thinking as a child I used to ride my bike so fast expecting to crash. Seeing the limit of ability to take sharp corners or beat cars out of their driveways. Knowing always the inevitability of an accident of some sort. Also knowing I'd never hurt this one piece of me, so the risk assessment to me was as an upside-down penny.

I collected some pictures with my phone and she emailed a couple as well. She told me the story of where it came from, mentioning the phrase 'aborted pearls'. It was that phrase that compounded my thoughts about it. It was a gift from her guy he picked up from one of those romantically situated tents at Burning Man. Him being an easily connectable soul too (LOVE these people). After the conversation, I settled into a form of very conscious meditaion. The music and physical clatter became shades of sepia and grayscale. I looked around the room at all these people I Love so dearly. Connecting with each one of them on varying levels. Feeling ALL things at once, but noticing also the hidden things. You must know, among all circles I make myself a part of, these are the most open, the most genuine. But for some reason whether past childhood experience in rejection, intrinsic upbringing or other forms of emotional matter that make us up as we grow, they still seemed to feel that need to keep behind closed doors the darker things. I connected deeply on the matter with a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL soul that night- but that's another piece for another time. I was a little saddened- let me explain: I was born without the 'hide' gene. To not wear my emotions on my person like summer clothing has been something I cannot do, no matter how hard I try to be 'guarded'. Maybe I feel my mistakes and dark closets are there to house others with similar experiences. I wear them on the outside so maybe they might feel a little less human (figure that one out on your own time :)). So to relate on the the matter of feeling this need to hide escapes me. But that night, like others, I looked into their eyes and made myself metaphysically connected with each one just as deeply as I was emotionally connected with this beautifully sad pendant.

 So you might be asking, " PK...what the f*ck did it look like??!!" HAHA!!! Theres pics below, brothas and sistas.

But this is what I saw: It was the inside of a shell. Maybe a clam or an oyster, I couldn't tell right away. As you can see, it's cut into a shape that leaves an allegorical conclusion. But I'm going with an oyster shell. It had 8...EIGHT unfinished pearls inside with the appearance that they were molded into the body of the shell (if you're starting to feel me, then you're tearing up already. I am). Each one in a line, almost the shape of a question mark (beautiful- just..yea).

 We are all oysters, but not food. Although there are many species of mammals that are much larger and more instinctually lethal than we are. Nature and those that study these things (the name escapes me) regard us as the Apex Predators. The likeness I am seeing is that by instinct, oysters make pearls. Pearls of course are regarded as something we assign monetary value to. They are beautiful gifts to those we Love both romantically and philanthropically, as this piece of jewelry is. A woman feels Love coming from a man giving her pearls, they have that value. But see...US? We do this by trait and choice. We make our pearls and give them by CHOICE, not instinct (would it be instinctual, we would be closer to our Maker than we think). Oysters are not tagged as something we make intricate studies into because they are not popularly interesting to our minds, mostly our appetites (I wonder if we not knowingly see other humans in the same way, think about it a bit then read on). Back to the instinctual creature of delicacy: I found out that when this happens, it actually begins to crowd the inside of the shell. Making the essential vital processes harder and harder. Slowly inhibiting the quality of physical life (are you following? Connect here, please). The more pearls that are 'aborted' the closer this creature comes to death ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (take a moment, a long pause and realize what is being said. For those not able to follow, the explanation is coming).

What are pearls symbolic of? Popularly wisdom. (I knew a girl once that meant more to me than she knows. Her name meant wisdom...thats also another story, of which I have already written the ending to :)). So in a metaphorical sense we can gather philosophically that we let wisdom die in us if we choose (we are not altogether creatures of instinct alone). Someone might not be allowed a better quality of life should we keep the things inside that we should be saying (speaking of, I have someone I need to be texting right now).

Aside from that and no further metaphors, I'll say this- pearls also resemble natural beauty. This 'beauty' starts as sand (hmmm, some say that's the way we started too). And over long periods of time are formed by these beautiful creatures into these beautiful gifts that adorn our Loved ones. Essentially contributing to their 'beauty' as well. Great toil and grit, taking months of labor sometimes years, produce these CAPTIVATING pieces. I mean, have you ever looked closely at a pearl? Held it close to your eyes until all other things are unfocused? (I do, everyday). They are Precious! Have you ever taken the time to appreciate this little food item's hard work to bring you something so gorgeous? It's mesmerizing, and you dont even have to be high on anything.

 ---YOU, are that oyster. And the beauty inside you are these pearls which you 'hide away' from whom they are intended to adorn. Why? Because we're inperfect. Because they are not 'finished' yet. You keep them inside you because even though life has given you sand and you have toiled the sand into pre-deposited pearls, you feel they aren't ready to be seen yet. And that in some cases is fine. But the world as we have come to be open to doesn't need more perfection. We need no more Supermen or Saviors of humanity. We already have one. Apart from popular opinion, we need to see more open imperfection, because we are all dying. We are all facing that one certain thing, death. But what you and I don't realize is that we start one work inside ourselves and stop. Then another, and another. None of them finished to our liking so we let them stack up forming that question mark. The question all of us have asked ourselves in that dark closet, " Why are we here? Why am I here?" The question only grows by each aborted beautiful thing we form inside ourselves, piece by piece. Taking us further from answering that question. Not realizing they are now so many that they are making our lives impossible to live. Non-purged beauty. Not realizing they are, quite tragically, killing us. And...no...one...knows, not even ourselves (take another pause, please).

The answer to that question of existence, is allowing those unfinished works to be seen. Letting the masks we wear in all communities fall off and revealing to each other the real, torn, flawed, broken and helpless 'you'. (I feel SO MUCH Love for the human race right now. SO many that carry pain. SO many helpless...it pains my heart to SUCH deep sorrow..this might be how He felt at the end).

I beg you, I BEG you- All of you imperfect souls, wear your imperfection like summer clothing. In the summer, you intend to be noticed, you intend to be seen. So instead of wearing what makes you look so good, so put together, (which in turn builds higher that unseen wall that separates us all), wear the unfinished work on the outside. Do you remember seeing something like this? This piece of jewelry that is so unique because its so rare BECAUSE it gives you a picture of the production of adornement. Of what it took to get to 'beautiful'. WEAR EACH OTHER!!! You're SO beautiful, all of you. Your sadness and pain is the beauty that you are dying from. Choose to live and let it be seen. The openness is your alchemy and the answer to us all.


Finally, in a whisper: I know I promised pictures, but you need none. Just go look in the mirror and you'll see what I see, what He sees, what we all need to see. The allegorically-cut you. Do not let beauty (imperfection) die inside you. Do not continue to hide. Do not let the unfinished pearls bring about your death. Show yourself to save your own lives. And lean back and watch it save the lives of many. YOU...matter...to EVERYONE.   

2 comments:

Katherine Anderson-Haze said...

Now that is a post. Very...very well written my dear. And the truth in your words cut deep to never be forgotten...well, unless I completely lose my memory in my dotage. :)

Patrick King said...

If its comes to that, Love..I'll remind you..by feeding you oysters. ;)
Thanks for sharing my life from a far. You're in it, whether you like it or not.