KingFish

Push your Pen!

Blocked in like oceans screaming. To see the  bottom of their own depth. Run it dry as if the sun just wont come tomorrow and you are the only one that knows...

Breath and life and even Love means nothing mentioned in the same sentences...as if these moments are drowning in their own mysticism if not drawn viciously from the temporary wells of which they make their home. Fall madly and deeply in Love with her, in a moment. Share its lifetime of fears, terror, tears and dread then drown it all in laughter..then perish..free.
Streaming energy, screaming in light away from temperment. Living only in perilous fire. It rears its dragon head as if the KingFish came to the surface to take a breath of air, its first. Paining water-borne gills, forcing evolution.

The KingFish takes a look around at the surface. Seeing the 'nothing' and all the pale faces, " Why are you so human?!? In your dictionary term being nothing less than a form of a god, aren't you?? So if your god has wings, then why not fly? Why not shoot from the atmosphere in which only gravity keeps you and throw off that humanity? Shake the chains lose and let safety fall to the ground! LIVE, I SAY!!! You were given the gift of lungs and Love and freedom to move, why do you not express it?? As if a fish can have a face. I would rob you of all these simple blessings. Rob you of your lives to feel, just for a moment, the entity of tragedy and bliss your emotions can contain...COME TO LIFE!!!! As if a simple fish with no words to sing or breath to exhale more than my own death. Like Elisha's bones cried out to the retreating fallen soldier, I command you and dare you to LIVE!!!

And the death of the fish comes, wains, as he falls to the side. And with a backwards stare to the depths, whispering, " Live, my brethren...live..."
And it dies...shall we, then?

Restricted Visage (complete, I think)

(warning, war ning, wan ring. Jade ring...you wont be able to read all of this, nevertheless, it's here. Wrote it a while ago.)

She makes me a playlist. I sit across a room and captivate her movement in my gaze. She simply smiles under her fresh cut bangs and swaggered dress.

Reaches for the red bell peppers and a sharp kitchen knife, (she was upset it cost so much money). As she begins to slice, she cuts herself and responds how we do. Immediately, as if a premonition catches my subconscious, I'm behind her before she even makes the cut.

Taking hand in hand, crossing fingers as she watches the wound. I wipe it with my shirt, she gets upset. " It was only to kiss it, sugar. Re-lax, k?"

We split the checkered tile floor to the sink. Luke warm water, such as the surrounding volume of space we share in this world without each other, runs over the open wound. Washing red into the drain.

Last life I thought to myself of deeper things than this. A possiblity of the perfect match? A clever stare. The kind that separate things that were of yester-year to be immortal. In that life I think I was.

She says no one will ever Love me more than she does...if truth could be dared it could never be in that statement. I'm patiently waiting for her to have the same reality check, or to remember that I STILL Love her. And that all will be ok.

Like a resonating augmented tune one can't put out of their head. Linking together a muriad of heart songs as she sings to me in her sadness. Ethereally I step close to her, so she can pick up my scent, still making its way around her.

And this happened:

I put medicine on her back and watched it pool at the small of her back, " Oh my God, hon! That's SO cold!! Why did you put so much??"

" Wasn't me, babe." I tilted my head to my eyes and let my shoulders lead as my body followed into a slow methodical fall so I could see her eyes. I wanted to see them so badly. She was still posted horizontally on the marshmallow cushion. I caught her eyes and dipped slightly to her perfect breasts for a quick moment. " Gettin a glance? ...sly, sly..." she giggled long and fell back onto the Sac. My thoughts, " So damn cute, SO perfect. An everything between anything that keeps a definition of precious inside it."

My thoughts, " ...God...I need her like trees need poison." Such a human side.

" Babe," I waited, " babe? Sweet girl? ...Love?" Really didn't need an answer. She just kept giggling, and that was the point. Melting that fabric glue that bonded the best of me together. Rolling it out on her shelf of possession, her personal property.

" I'm feeling better, PC. Do you think we could go out if I get well enough?"

" No, babe," cooing, stroking, " you're sick, hon. Have to get recovered, need to rest. What do you wanna watch?"

" I don't care, just want my pc blanket, pleeease?? COLD!! ...and my pajamas."

Pushed off the floor after chasing her face for one more look.

" And get yours too, DON'T sleep in your shop clothes, its gross."

" Yeah, yeah."
Leaving the room I felt the shudder of wind from entities moving around in close proximity- She was standing behind me the instant I turned around to leave the room. Her hands walked around from my lower back to the crest of my hips and pressed toward my navel and below. Feeling the heat from her fevered body so close to me. Just stopping to let her have her way. Holding still enough to feel the pulse in her fingers and the slight tremble of her hands as she closed the gap between us, facing in the same direction. The mystery of it all only what was not seen by my physical eyes. I always hardly knew what she was playing as she whispered, " I know what you like..." Ugh, she knew always. Pushing up, dragging her fingers from my under belly. Each move coursing that strange energy in a sideways motion, making my core shudder. She grabs the hem of my shirt in crumples. Her fingernails clipping my sides bringing the energetic tremble headward in crescendoing ecstacy. My shirt comes up, and off. " Want this, right?" My mind now out of the slightest bit of control. Going from 'nuture' to emergency sensual overdrive. Melted. Dissipated by the heat sheeting off of her. She kissed and cooed as I reasoned, " Hon...Honey. Need to rest, babe, uh....ugh, ahh... Baby? ...you're so not listening to me..." " F*** no, I'm not," whispering still. Pressing her breasts against my newly exposed back. Pressing her lips to my skin like a raindrop tumbling down a stem and kissing the earth below it, again and again. " Thought you said you'd never deny me?" Of course I wouldn't. I looked out to the twilight, the post rush hour parking lot. Leaning back slightly into her. Reaching up and behind me, threading my fingers into her left hand that was caressing the short hairs just above my neck. Fondling the twirl. Threading her right hand and leaning further backwards into her. She pulled at me tightly, as often she did when she wanted to. Like used scraps of clay into a pugmill, she was tearing me apart and pressing me back together. Making parts fit that I never knew should go. A whole new meaning to beautiful to me. I unlinked one hand from her and spun around, knocking my cap to the floor. She stepped back. Restricting the view my body had of her to let my eyes in for a tease. I raked down her back with slightly forceful tension. Watching her face closely as she rippled the stroke outwardly and vocally. Closing her eyes while biting the left side of her lower lip. Letting go of her breath in a breezy shutter. I reached the bottom of the stroke, her eyes fluttered open. She reached from chocolate covered iris to hold the back of my thought in her gaze. I pulled her in and kissed her eyes, brushing her nose with the bridge of mine. Pulling with my hand wrapped around her lower back, I moved her closer closing the gap the second and final time. My other hand found a blanket folded on a nearby chair back. Letting it fall around her with both hands, enveloping her body. Dimming the light in the room, hiding her glow. I layed her down, tucked her in and nutured her closely, for the rest of our evening.
TBC

Something strong this way went

That taste...still on my lips. The tip of the hose kept a lingering taste of sweetness from a piece of a torn map. You left it, it's still there.

The truth in secrets behind every whimsical stare somehow remaining untouched by every day of emotional struggle. Like a child fighting to keep warm outside in a winter's chill. I felt you, without cause or reason.

And called it "Love".

The goals glowed as bright as the coals at midnight and later, finding a peace inside the obscenity of a man trying to provide a better life for something you were always right about...something that never had a definition...I'm now at peace, remembering that you were correct, in every way.

If I'm me, and you're still true you, then we've both found something. Whether it be a ripped treeswing in the distant future, or a pain of something that should have never been lost, its a discovery, nonetheless. I would ask you, allow yourself to sleep in the solace of such a new place. Unfounded from the foundation to the steeple. A church of the new, an open air venue, where you always were the preacher, choir, congregation and the the one faulted by Love's cause..are you still there? Wandering through pews and aisles where you expressed the passion of everyone around? Or are you alone? Regardless of the physical disposition, it follows you, unsplintered and true to its form, the church of your soul. And it cries still to you, find yourself, LOVE...yourself. Be at peace, on this earth, with yourself. It deserves you and you deserve the best your Dad has to offer, which is not yourself.

...I gotta go...and I can only be what I was created to be, all else is vanity (do you remember?). I give you what I can, which is still too much, I still believe in the best in you. There is still time, there is still hope. He awaits behind the open door you keep staring at. I'd ask you to stop waiting. Walk slowly, carefully. Nothing else matters now but truth. That sweet taste has effected me forever, and I will carry it without anger or distain. Your spirit is more pure than to be what you believe you are. Be well...please...be well. You are greatly Loved.

I'm thankful for the healing piece of the map. It has helped to make me whole and find my way to my treasure. Of which is so much more grand than I allowed myself to imagine..even in my strong belief and idealistc nature, you would know that's bigger than the planet.

Be well...please, be well. You ARE greatly Loved.

In case you're alone again ;)

Feeling so...alone?

Of course, is it a reaping? Some dark pattern of life that exists to place its boney finger on my present? Will it exist in the future? I have no idea.

Seems to be familiar, in that I've been the ignorance, the silent partner. Refusing to know what to do or how to proceed. Hiding under the blanket of my own selfish comfort instead of facing the giant, head on. I ran...so why should I think it will be different for me?

The terms "life or longer" apply to the finest of moments. But those bereft of photos...kind words and faces. Words that wrap a soul into the blanket of Loved one's Love and faces that levy every issue of the soul.

World, Meet Her

World, meet Her.

Meet wisdom,
Meet understanding,
Meet strength,
Meet endurance,
Meet struggle.

Meet the one person whom will not drop you.
Meet a learned decision maker.
Meet tears.
Meet the weeping of a senseless string of garbled transmission in hope.
Meet the find in this universe.
Meet a soul stained with white.
Meet an illusion of fear.
Meet an overcomer.

Meet my help.
Meet truth when is doesn't exist.
Meet the Lover of my greatest gifts.

Meet a kiss that is forever meant.
Meet a new born's lips and breath.
Meet the nightmare's good dream.

Please, my friends, please...

Meet my one Lover.

My Always Thought

Everytime she sways her thought I think of the rocky passages that litter my flight path into her soul...

The birds with wings that never grew. Meant to carry her SOS to help that never came. Being the entity in her dreams that always heard them, but could never come to her aid...until now.

I am not pretender. I am flying toward you. Arms with no feathers open wide. Shooting through the turbulence and dichotomy of awkward feelings and tattered memories. Like a blue streak with golden trails. I'm flying straight to your hearts soul... To rescue from shadows that wont let go. The scars on my hand, their fear. But You, My Love...do not fear these hands. They are attached to the arms that hold you. Which are attached to the chest that parks you...

Which is fed by the heart that beats your blood and keeps me flying. That can never have too little space...for you, my most Love. To the end of all things...

I desperately, Love you.

(written: 9/26/10)

Choosing my path

While you sleep, I dream of you.
But not in the night as romantics often pace their thought to draw out inspiration.
In their sad lyric...

I want to be over. I need to be over.

When the night shines, we lie awake and seek to do better, to be better.
And our thought as thick as a warm fog blanket becomes the spice of our life and Love.

Were it to be breathless, I long for less breath.
Or the night's light to burn out.

I want to drink the kerosene and swallow the wick to carry our moments of stillness and fearful distrust into the cave of our despair. To be lit again on the other side of this mountain, disregarding my life.

To struggle again in heaven's hell,

our staycation for taking the scenic ways.