Meet the one person whom will not drop you.
Meet a learned decision maker.
Meet tears.
Meet the weeping of a senseless string of garbled transmission in hope.
Meet the find in this universe.
Meet a soul stained with white.
Meet an illusion of fear.
Meet an overcomer.
Meet my help.
Meet truth when is doesn't exist.
Meet the Lover of my greatest gifts.
Meet a kiss that is forever meant.
Meet a new born's lips and breath.
Meet the nightmare's good dream.
Everytime she sways her thought I think of the rocky passages that litter my flight path into her soul...
The birds with wings that never grew. Meant to carry her SOS to help that never came. Being the entity in her dreams that always heard them, but could never come to her aid...until now.
I am not pretender. I am flying toward you. Arms with no feathers open wide. Shooting through the turbulence and dichotomy of awkward feelings and tattered memories. Like a blue streak with golden trails. I'm flying straight to your hearts soul... To rescue from shadows that wont let go. The scars on my hand, their fear. But You, My Love...do not fear these hands. They are attached to the arms that hold you. Which are attached to the chest that parks you...
Which is fed by the heart that beats your blood and keeps me flying. That can never have too little space...for you, my most Love. To the end of all things...
While you sleep, I dream of you.
But not in the night as romantics often pace their thought to draw out inspiration.
In their sad lyric...
I want to be over. I need to be over.
When the night shines, we lie awake and seek to do better, to be better.
And our thought as thick as a warm fog blanket becomes the spice of our life and Love.
Were it to be breathless, I long for less breath.
Or the night's light to burn out.
I want to drink the kerosene and swallow the wick to carry our moments of stillness and fearful distrust into the cave of our despair. To be lit again on the other side of this mountain, disregarding my life.
I know every pore that strains when you laugh, but more so when you cry. Because I've walked these roads you've traveled. Stopped to feel the desert sand in my hand. Rolling it up and blowing it away as if it could somehow dissipate the pain as well. Same slightly ahead. Same slightly behind. And I feel you everywhere. Both have now experienced the same pain.
Funny? That we've walked these places? Of ALL the comfort spots in our great city...hmph (we know it means something, for now, denial seems better). No doubt drawn by each others presence. As if by cosmic reason, emotional need, we were able to still satisfy the need for comfort. To be understood by each others Sun print or Moon print. Until time removed the blinders, revealing our true source for each other...each other. Refashioned Love songs and tones I'm sure reverberated in your head. These thoughts are meant to be. This is not a mistake. Nor a cosmic joke.
But facts, universal facts.
" They" are all pretenders. I've had them around for so many years. And the fear that surrounds is the click of a seat belt in passenger side. To ride the rest of this life as JUST that. To be subject to drivers twists, turns, anxiety, road temperament, judgement...lack. This doesn't mean " they" are bad people. " They're" surely not, God forbid.
But there is a glove for every hand and like OJ, if one can...try and make it fit. Visual evidence is not based in belief. " OJ" always was a perfect fit, no matter how dirty it got. No need to go to Rag's and find another. Unless you believe you're a soul seamstress and can make anything fit! Haha! If that is true? Student reaches higher heights than teacher, as you've so called me. But remember, I've always ever said it's not me that "taught". Just a wiring diagram I showed you. Happened to be the map of your soul's layout. And my SPS is always dead point! HA!
So really? Who's the teacher then? Not a question for answering. Just another thing on that hot plate of pondering. God, I miss and Love the warmth of that stove! And when we added our pasta thought bubbles, seeing the steam overflow of conversation. Bleeding its way out from the cover, down the sides of the pot and onto our heating element to be evaporated.
I've never had the thought in my head that you talk too much. I've never kept the thought in my head that you're just too much. I drown myself in every word you think to say but leave behind in freckled eyes and beautiful crooked smile, while biting your lip. Even without that, you give you away. Or it's just that I know what you're thinking as you have each thought. And yet...
Still feel such a depth to your soul. Deep waters even my free-diving experience cannot allow me to reach. No wonder that he can't hold you. I don't think I fully could either. But I know by instinct what to do when time comes, and understand why. But if given the option, just for this sake. I'd ask to go back to where time began and start my search from there with Adam. Looking for the depth of your soul. Maybe by the time we reach each other I'll be somewhere near the depth I can now reach. Only time will tell, and I'm frustrated with her damn secrets ;).
And my soul says, " that look in your eye...reminded me TWICE that I was alive. And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight." I'd wait for thrice, and so on...and die again and again to be reminded of twice. And I'd fight for the worth that you know not of.
Colors of trustworthy optimism run around before like painted bees inside the cone of a hive. All just waiting to be called. They have been called, only one was chosen. Although those colors don't compliment the projected aura that loosely floats about.
She wasn't there, neither was he. I could see the sadness in her soul, a sight only visible to me, I'm sure. Knowing that she wouldn't weep until she was alone, I take a moment to cry for her in silence.
Her words roll off her tongue like erratic melody of the most beautiful song. So made mention in the silence that cotton tails come from their holes and squirrels from their trees to listen, hoping for a nut to fall...there were many (haha). But I gathered them up to make a necklace for her.
Someday I'll give it to her, but not today, definitely not tomorrow. Haven't found a suitable pendant yet. And she Loves pendants. I know this well.
Leaving the room. Been so good to not be noticed so far, knowing I just shouldn't be there. Amygdula so shot it's spinning sparks everywhere across the floor of my sub-conscious mind. Like a tree trunk pushing it's way into the center of my chest. But I tuned it out, to this. Her theme music today:
" Yellow streetlight, you illuminate the road so often traveled. In a dream life, I would silently observe your path to nowhere. And you're gonna light me up, in a way I could never explain.
Always letting go to leave you closer leaving. Doesn't mean that this is over. Don't forget about the things that make you feeeeeeelFREEEEE!
I would Love you Monday, thru to Sunday. If you're a non believer. Take me for an open-minded soldier, if you're a non believer.
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! RIGHT HERE SOME, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY! Right here some...." (all so she doesn't get confused ;) ya know)
And on with that. Never ceasing, 'til my throat begins to bleed. Range is so a matter of perspective. To an exponent of some sort. And my perspective is getting high on my minds constant and ever flowing supply of serum that makes everything here taste good. And I can't find the petcock. Took it out when she left the first time and put it somewhere I knew I'd never find it.
You have fun, my Love. You know I'd be the only other one not drunk, cleaning 1/2 the mess at least. Sharing always. Care about you that much...always!
Til our next meeting. Arms open, facing the sound of that band of horses.
Only let go once, wow. Not even to make mention of ****. Awestruck at the gracious sky's who allowed us a chance at the one thing that could shake mountains of hate, we weren't ready.
" I am here. I'm all around you. You feel this at your darkest times. The times when you feel alone, which is almost always. And my heart breaks for you."
Temped guest walks in a half circle towards you from the far corner of the room, he is a familiar presence.
" I am here. And in the mind of your mind I fight behind your eyes the terror that haunts your dreams. Staying purposefully out of sight, so the magic stays where it should. An essence of presence."
Dark visage guest steps closer as you stay still, in your full flowing, night lit'ness.
" I am here. Listen to me, Love. The shadows that I cast while passing from sun to sun, from moon to moon. See they fall at you. As if I was stuck in an ancient time piece, pointing its way at you for eternity. Like you were always my "home"."
Stepping closer, only this time, your breath slows, feeling a familiar longing. A good presence that's been missed.
This time a whisper, " I am here. You don't have to be afraid of me. I am not here to...save to hold you. As this Love and yours has looked over the suffering, and held tightly still. Nothing is too deep for us to plunge. Nor too long to swim.
The Moon broke out for several hours. And I ventured out for every one of them. He stared me in the eyes and with squinted gaze he dared me to fly and capture some of his dust, seein if I could catch him. I looked away for seconds. Climbed to the top of the tallest point I could find around me and looked up, this time much closer to his face. Then I dared him to come down a little closer so I could kiss his chin. He told me no. Said, " My place is the sky, my home is the oblivion and I carry no such attachments to earth's creatures."
I responded, " Is that why you are so sad?"
He said, " The creatures therein of this planet I roam are not the attachment I seek. It is the earth that I Love, and nothing more could lay a planet waining so weak."
I asked, " Why? Could I learn a lesson of this Love that you speak? For I Love the earth as well, as if some spell has bound me to the ground."
" My dearest son...I have watched you. In my nights light you move. But I've also seen your dreams and tears, as well as the way you groove. I have watched since birth to see this man arise from a pile of mesh. And cavities and nightmarish realities you have entered in yours and others mess. My son, it's not really the earth you Love. But the creatures within for their life force depends on such. This isn't a virtue or physical essence that can be explained between logic and dust. But a reality, not a feeling, a destiny, a timed plan. Since the time a hand reached from heaven to link the heart of God to man."
" Is the entity you speak of something all can see and know?"
He said, " No son, look at the tree as it begins to grow. It doesn't move. Doesn't ask or demand. Even when it has great lack. Doesn't flinch when your creatures come at her with an axe. But it's the roots I speak of that do the deeper work. See the branches and the trees get to see the light above. And celebrate the life and doves that make their homes in their healthy arms. But where they gather life force you see is from the earth. And their roots MUST plunge down into something aged and of worth. And this is the truth of it, my son. When life gets old and all gets undone. Where would the sun be without the earth? And where would the earth be without the moon? We travel in orbit. Whom is travelling with you?"
" My son, take this, and hold it, because your connection is with earth. But in a different sense of what is temporary, the lifeline of man. Imagine MY heart, I spoke of waining before...carrying such emotion through the years. Not coming out when there were those who begged me to, but they had you. Or some form of you."
"So take this, my son. I am in Love with the earth. You are in Love, and that's all that needs worth. But make sure to base it on deep roots, and your heart exactly knows whom it is who is with you to share your ebbs and flows."
" And, my son, I leave you with this thought: It's hard to Love inanimate objects, that have not the ability to Love. As the earth is with me, don't let it be with you. For so many there know how to and choose not to. And their time is of your essence. Hold onto that Love, it will more than prove the test and time. Watch me, son, and you'll see. For I have watched every last part of Love on earth...and have yet to speak to one of these. But to you I give my secret, and please don't put away..."
" Oh, I wont, sir! I swear I wont!"
" My son, just wait. And you'll see a light that blinds you and all others that surround. That brings such Love and unity from the deepest earth's core found. And life will simply emanate to all those that surround your heart and Love's heart connected, could bring ALL EARTH'S WALLS DOWN!! Commit to be the crutch and soon enough...you'll wear Love's crown."
" I Love you, son."
And he leaned back, into the sky above. I reached for my heart and knelt to the ground. Clutching heart in hand and hand over and over as the tears...fell...down. In the reflection, I saw you, YOU...and all confoundment did abound. From a back so sore of carrying all these others weights around.
I need you and want you and will not move away. And I say what you cannot right now. WE ARE CONNECTED, and to that truth, I humbly bow...
